Astrology and Horoscopes

Happiness in the Zodiac

Happiness in the Zodiac

Happy people and successful people didn’t pay much attention to their failures or their losses. Instead they had great big mental images of their successes and goals. Unhappy people and unsuccessful people paid too much attention to their failures and losses. The simple conclusion was that if we pay attention to our successes we become happy and successful.

Have you ever wondered what really turns someone on? This is the good oil on all the signs. Check out your family, lover or friends amongst these:

Aries – are happiest when pushing in at the head of the line, throwing tantrums and thumping someone.

Taurus – happiest when they have good food, good wine and good sex. They are the easiest sign to please, just sit your Taurean partner down, give them an ice cream and a copy of Sports Illustrated (its a magazine with hot, sporty bodies, male and female & it’s gender non-specific).

Gemini – they are happiest drinking beer with their mates. Of all the signs Gemini men are the only ones to fake an orgasm, just so’s they can get back to the party quicker.

Cancer – are happiest feeding someone, “My, look at you, you’re like the side of a barn, here eat this leg of bullock.”

Leo – the drama queens, happiest getting everyone’s attention, they will give anything for some flattery. Why else would Peter Reith’s son hand out his father’s phone card details to a beautiful woman?

Virgo – cleanliness is next to Godliness, happiest when spraying Baygon on their lovers privates, “It has to be clean luv.”

Libra – they wallow in wedding photos, diets and flowers but are happiest just making up their minds – “Tea or coffee, tea or coffee, tea or coffee hang on, I’m just about to make up my mind!”

Scorpio – a dark street and a big stick, they just love revenge, ahh the joy of it all.

Sagittarius – the chase, the kill, the escape, life is just a romp for irresponsible Sagittarians (as long as they don’t get caught and have to pay maintenance).

Capricorn – happiest when taking command. Oh joy for joy, “Stand in line!” and “You sir, wait your turn!” Or the best one – “Go to the end of the line!” Capricorns invented the Public Service so that they could trot out their one-liners.

Aquarius – “I used to know where I put it?” happiest when farting around in a box in the shed looking for what they thought they wanted only to discover that they were really sent outside to feed the dog.

Pisces – are happiest just pleasing everyone else, and being a Leo I can find no better reason to have a good Pisces around than to please me.

No matter who you are or what planet rules your bank account, happiness really is just a moment away.

Last updated on December 10, 2017 at 5:49 am. Word Count: 485